IN and out

I have this thought where I think nothing is done to me by an outside force but instead done to me by myself. While at the same time I cannot control all my inputs but I can encode, decode, and interpret my own outputs. I should have left if there it sounds nice, short, and sweet. But now I am wondering about my own autonomy or will. Yes I have choices to make. But things happen to me that I cannot control. I have a higher self or moral center or you can even call them wants. It’s not necessarily about good or bad because they say as above so below (whatever that means) I just think the same things that are “good” can be equally as bad. Nevertheless if I want to do the things that align and fall in order (I will use these words so everyone understands no matter context) with the higher self, my wants or even god, these decisions, thoughts, and actions are not even mine. I must follow X code, X plan, X ideology, or X behavior for that result to align with the things that I just mentioned. SO I ask again. What is will and autonomy? I know the only thing you cannot take away from me is how I feel maybe that is what it comes down to at least for me.