?

I don’t like feeling dumb. But that’s what I wonder after I give my patience to wait and see to understand how you feel. I wait to see what’s at the other side and then feel like I am left abandoned. Is this a byproduct of my own failures, lapse in judgement or emotional unintelligence? I try to be open and receptive to how you feel in an honest way and yet I am met by a reaction of “you weren’t good enough.” I thought I would be accepted or at least heard to understand why. I wait long enough to at least see the begging of the plot. I am too sensitive for this. Heartbreak feels like death. The death of what could have been or my old self that will shrivel up inside. I want to feel and I do not want to deny and yet the pain that comes with trying seems to hurt more than the things I deny when I don’t try. Life is about experience so I just want to give it a feel. But not if this is it I’ll make a repeal. Am I trusting too soon what should have took time? The pain is too deep I could likely cry. I just tell myself “negro you will be fine.” I will make sure of it if I have to by allowing no one inside. Don’t be that way, do not close yourself off. But it seems to be the only way to preserve myself, it’s not like I have been taught. I feel like the ultimate fool, don’t let it happen again. Maybe it was a mistake don’t be harsh on the blame. But who is to blame for playing this game. You chose to play so it’s your fault if you get hurt. That answers the question, you got what you deserved. So go back to how it was living a lonesome life at least that way we can avoid the trife.

03.04.2026. 12:38 AM.